You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
