puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
being pregnant is like rehab
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
