she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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