found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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