I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
