i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
