you win again, gameday.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
