Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
