Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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