Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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