I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
