Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
