wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
