i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
