My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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