I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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