you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize