He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
