I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
