I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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