And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
