You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
