i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
