billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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