so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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