I'm lost and stupid without you.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
