I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
...so i touched it.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize