Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize