I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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