Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
