Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
