i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
