this beer tastes like vomit already
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize