I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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