I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
