how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
