I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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