thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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