If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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