I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
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