I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
