If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
