A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This is the high leading the old right now
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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