I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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