I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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