MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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