Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
