i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize