it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize