I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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