apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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