Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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