Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
A+ Viking dick
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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