Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize