She is in my trunk
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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