overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
do herpes really smell.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
