I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
