I wanna bring you to show and tell
this just has baby written all over it
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
