My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
