I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Randomize
