I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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