Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
