from now on my penis is your penis
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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