I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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