I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
