Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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