I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just want to make out with him forever
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize