Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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