you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
