I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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