As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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