I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
