I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
