I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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