He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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