made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
