So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
