There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
