pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
All the doctor said was why
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
