Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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