Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize