You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
