Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
please come you make the beer taste better
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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