from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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