He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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