i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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