I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
