oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Enjoy the penises
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
