yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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