And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
