The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
