all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
