oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
