she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
