We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
