There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
