make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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