I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
