Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
