I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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