No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
